i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
