She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
