So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
