I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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