I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
