I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
birth control should be required to get into college
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
