I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize