You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
There are leaves in my underwear?
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