listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
