im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
