Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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