My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
