I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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