also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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