did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
