Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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