I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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