One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
