so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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