I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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