escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
