Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
