We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize
