doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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