i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
