Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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