I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
