You took a bar mat shot.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
