How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
