this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
