You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
