This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
