Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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