that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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