We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
