this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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