we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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