Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
