i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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