You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
