and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
