Your face is a jimmy john
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
