Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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