I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
