she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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