im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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