1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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