I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
