There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
