Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
