I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
