She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
