So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
