So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
