his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
