I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
