I wish my penis had an off switch
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
