naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
